WHAT IF? A sudden question popped on my mind.

What if I haven’t got what i have right now?

What if I am not in this position?

What if four years ago I didn’t made the decision that I did?

Am i having this kind of life right now?

While scribbling on my old stuffs last night, I suddenly put myself on a certain kind of memory lane (as they call it). I suddenly recall my past life. 4 to 5 years ago, I saw myself enjoying life, taking things not to serious, having fun,all god things actually. But was all of that worth it? 

I remember after i graduated, i was having a hard time finding a job. The worst feeling was they’re giving me that “You are qualified and you really deserve the job” feeling but i don’t know why it always end up on nothing. I was devastated, I almost cried every day. Self pity eat me up. There was a time that I almost surrendered. I said to myself This is Enough,I don’t want to fell rejected anymore. But now everything is clear to me, the questions a long time ago was answered. That’s why i didn’t got that job, that’s why everything didn’t work out the way i want it to be, its all because it’s not what God’s plan for me. That’s why no matter hard i tried, it still not enough. I know i did well, I know i deserve those (not too braggy but i really felt that) but you can really do nothing if God is taking it over. I realized God’s plans are more better. He prepared a lot more opportunities than what i expected.

Now, I am here. 1,780 miles away from home. At first i was scared, not ready and actually didn’t want to go. everything wasn’t clear for me way back then. I have a lot of confusions and doubts. But God made a way. First couple of months in Vietnam was hard for me. I had to live with my Uncle’s Family which I am not used to,its not that i don’t like staying with them but because I’m that kid of person that chooses to stay at home alone over random sleepovers. so don’t get me wrong with this. 🙂 Anyways, going back, i tried to find a job but at first i didn’t receive any replies. I celebrated my first Christmas and New year without my family. That was 2012, if I’m not mistaken. I felt so terrible that time. I wanted to go home and cuddle in my own bed, but sad truth was i can’t. Until that day came which change my life completely. It turned my life 360 degrees (or even more, i guess,yea?)

So, I got a teaching job, which i never see coming, i mean it was the job that i can’t picture myself in. I hated this job when i was young. For me, it was a completely stressful job and guess what? I’m correct!! Big Check√!! But what can i do? It was God who gave me this opportunity.

Now, I am really thankful to God on what I am and what i have right now. I am so blessed indeed. The things that i dreamed before, i already have them in front of me and much more, for the record. I’ve been to places that i never  thought i will be. I have the things not only what i need but also the things that i want. Putting God first in our life will lead our life to much better opportunities that an individual can’t imagine. So, its not just keep dreaming or aiming, but its also keep on praying and seeking God’s will in your life. ♥


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